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This transcript is from an interview recently screened on ChaosTV. The original recording was lost when cleaners placed the tapes in a toaster.

Interviewer: The stupidity issue is not new but clearly the level of increase in new cases is significant, do you have any firm plans for tackling the problem yet?

[silence]

Interviewer: Ah, excuse me Mr Askins?

Harold Askins: Huh? What? Oh! sorry you're asking me? Well of course I haven't a clue, er I mean I haven't anything new, my department has plans for every contingency and we'll be implementing some of those very soon.

Interviewer: Could you perhaps elaborate on what those plans are?

Harold Askins: Of course. The Government's first task will be to form an umbrella group that will oversee the creation of the planning committee. That committee will be responsible for managing the sub committees who will assist in assembling the discussion board from which an expert panel will be formed to create the final decision making body.

Interviewer: And in the meantime more lives are being lost every day.

Harold Askins: Indeed.

Interviewer: You're not concerned about that?

Harold Askins: Of course I'm concerned, the Government is not a dispassionate bureaucracy you know, the life of every taxpayer is valuable to us. On the other hand we need to keep this issue in perspective, they are only stupid people after all.

Interviewer: Some commentators have suggested that you have been slow to react thus letting the situation get out of hand. There have been calls for your resignation, what is your response to that?

Harold Askins: What!? Do they think I'm stupid or something? This job pays $150k for doing stuff all, I'm hardly likely to resign am I!

Interviewer: One of your colleagues has suggested that improved education may be the answer. He indicated the possibility of providing financial assistance for people seeking to improve their minds, perhaps even free tertiary courses for the chronically retarded. Will your department be discussing this or similar options?

Harold Askins: hahahahahahaha, now you're really being stupid!